THE TIGER LILLYS 1 THE TOON 1 (3-1 to HULL on penalties) *** EFL CUP QWAATAA FINAL 2016 2017

Updated '1:35pm bells' Thorsday 1st December 2016

ACTION AT 'THE FAR END' (TOON IN WHITE)

"REEEALITY CHECK!"

NUFC put in wor most inept performance of the season in this qwaataa final Leegue Cup tie in Hull!

It waz obvious from the word 'go' that this waz a game likely to gan to extra time and penalties az both team put in abysmal performances!

Misplaced passes, shots way ower the bar and off target were the norm for this game az we froze to death on the terraces of 'The KC' for 2 and a half hours, wishin' we were actually at work!

ACTION AT 'WOR END'

Even when Hull had a player sent off late in normal time we couldn't find a way through until extra time waz played!
In the 8th minute of et we eventually made the breakthrough when Diame poked the baall home from close range to send the near 3,000 Toon fans wild with delight az the players celebrated in front of us!
THIS!---waz short lived to say the least az the home side equalised less than a minute later az the dreaded penalty shoot out loomed!

Shelvey took the forst one, but he'd played badly and az he ran up to take it I just knew that he would miss!---and he DID az their keeper dived to the right to save it!
Hull scored their forst one and then Gayle hit the bar for us!
Wor aanly successful kick came from Atsu, but Hull scored again--meanin' that if Gouffran missed then we were oot!
Their goalie saved hiz spot kick az well az the home fans celebrated!
Ne silverware in this competition for us (again!), but this waz definateleee a 'reality check' and if this team waz in the top flight we would surely struggle!

Forest away on Friday neet iz next up for us, but PLEEEZE can we try a bit harder or else the wheels of the bandwagon will faall off!

Toon team: Sels, Anita (Yedlin 109), Lascelles, Clark, Laazar, Hayden (Murphy 105), Shelvey, Richie (Atsu 80), Gouffran, Diame, Gayle

Attendance: 16,243 (2,500 Toon fans) <(they wouldn't give us any more tickets and the groond waz 8,000 below capacity!

SOME OF THE TOON FANS WHO WERE LUCKY ENOUGH TO GET A TICKET!

THE PRE MATCH 'GARGELS' TOOK PLACE HERE!

PS: Thanx for readin' mee new blog!

THE TOON 0 BLACKBORN (Venky Chicken ) ROVAAZ 1 *** EFL 2016 2017

Posted '11:16am bells' Sunday 27th November 2016

"BLACK Saturday follows BLACK Friday against-----BLACKborn!!!"

A BLACK day indeed for the 50,000 plus Toon Army who had assembled @ HQ to witness wor 10th win in a row!
BUT!--this IZ! NUFC and we have said many many times before that we are the most likely team in futbaall to shoot worsels in the foot when a certain win looks on the cards!

From the start wor visitors attacked the Gallowgate goal az we defended frantically---it waz gannin to be 'one of those days' aa thought az me and grandson Jamie froze in the stands!

Rafa the Gaffa had made several changes from the Leeedz game and this time it backfired on him!
And we went in at the break thankful that we were still on level torms!

THE TOON ATTACK THE LEAZES GOAL (1st half)

The 2nd half waz a bit better for us az we tried in vain to get the aall important forst goal and several good chances were missed!

And then 'disaster'!---with just 15 minutes left on the clock Rovaaz got the 'breakthrough when Mulgrew volleyed home from a corner to put the visitors in front.

Despite a few good chances after this from us and great saves from their keeper, 'it wasn't to be' and it waz the smaall contingent of Blackborn fans in level 7 of The Leazes End who were celebratin' and not us!

Anothaa BLACK weekend for aall Tynesiders!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Mbemba (Gayle 84), Clark, Gamez (Dummett 54), Richie, Shelvey, Atsu, Hayden, Perez, Mitrovic

Attendance: 52, 092 (just 1,600 Rovaaz fans!)

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LEEEEDZ 0 THE TOON 2 *** EFL 2016-2017

Posted '2:30pm bells' Munday 21st October 2016

Forst of aall apologeeez for not updatin' on a more regular basis---this iz because my 'geordietimes.com' website went doon and up til now aa still cant get it back online, despite tryin' for the last 3 weeks! (The Google helpline iz NE help by the way!)

"THE TALE OF CHRISTOPHER COLAMITOUS!" 

"IT'S MUCH QUICKER CIRCUMNAVIGATIN' THE WORLD, THAN LEEEDZ!"

The 3 carriage Trans-Pennine train wasn't big enough to take aall the Toon fans and regular customers and this resulted in some people havin' to stand in the allyways for the entire jorney (memo to Trans-Pennine----put more carriages on the next time, yoo idiots!)
Aa waz lucky and managed to grab a seat before they were aall taken--and didn't dare move an inch in case someone nicked it!

On arrival 2 hours later in central Leeedz, we heeded for a couple of boozers just doon the road from the station for some much needed 'liquid lubrication'

Amongst wor party waz 'Colonel Gadaffi' (the one from Bracknell in Berkshire, NOT Tripoli!), 'Faulty Towers' (who didn't have a ticket!) and hiz bruvvaa 'Norman the Cowboy Plumber'!
It waz soon time to heed for the match (1:15 ko) and 2 taxis were hailed to take us to Elland Road which iz on the outskirts of Leeedz. Wor taxi cost £12 (plus a £2 tip) and the othaa one cost £6!  (theres a 'rabbit off' somewhere mee finx!)
We were allocated less than 3,000 tickets but there waz still chaos at the tornstiles az my ticket wouldn't scan! (amongst othaa fans!)----A ticket office waz just roond the corner and the gadgie gave me a new one---with a different seat number on it to the one aa had!?

After pushin' mee way up the stairs aa just saw the kick off and sat in a seat near the exit! (NOT mee new seat!)  Aall the alleyways were full with fans unable to get to their propaa seats az it waz total chaos here az well!

1st HALF ACTION AZ THE TOON (IN WOR 'BUMBLE BEE' KIT)
ATTACK THE ELLAND ROAD END

The Toon were on the 'front foot' from the start and were by far and away the better side' az we attacked the Elland Road End.
In the 11th minute there waz loud applause for the late Gary Speed who played number 11 for both clubs
The forst goal came in the 23rd minute when the Leeedz goalie parmed a baall ott---straight to Gayle whod had some teeth knocked oot a few days orlier in a fight--and he 'knocked' the baall into the net to the delight of the travellin' faithful who were situated on the side of the pitch near to that goal line!

The 2nd came from Gayle again in the 2nd half when an Anita cross in the 54th minute foond Gayle who slammed the baall home to claim the 3 points and 9th league a cup victory in a row, which equalled wor all time record set in 1994 in the Kevin Keegan era!

IT'S NEARLY FULL TIME!----LET THE CELEBRATIONS BEGIN!!!

After the match we called into 'The Bull' which iz on Pleasant Terrace!---(see pix) for a quick gargle on wor waalk back to the city centre. A'm not sayin' the boozer waz rough but it had ne windows (which had ne doubt been put in by some local plonkies!)--and the hooses in 'Pleasant Terrace'? had bars on the windows and doors to keep oot the local burglars!

PLEASANT TERRACE?---YI HAVIN' A LAFF!

'Norman the Cowboy Plumber' had worked in Leeedz for 12 weeks in the past and knew the quickest way back to the train station (NOT!) The 25 minute walk torned into a one which waz an hour plus az we heeded for the large tower block which dominates the skyline---despite waalkin for 30 mins we were ne closer az we circumnavigated every postcode in Leeedz!--- eventually arrivin' back at wor forst 'port o call' near the station at 5 to 5 bells-- with blisters on wor blisters! (the match ended at 3:15!)

"WE'RE GETTIN' CLOSER!---OH NOT WE'RE NOT!!!"

'Colonel Gadaffi' commented that Christopher Columbus would have got us there quicker---(the gadgie that circumnavigated the world a few hundred years ago----'Norman the Cowboy Plumber' waz then renamed 'Christopher Colamitous' on hiz 'circumnavigation of Leeedz!

* Toon team line up: Darlow, Anita, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Richie, Colback (Hayden 83), Shelvey, Gouffran (Diame 76), Perez, Gayle (Mitro 79)

Attendance: 36,002 (2,764 Toon fans) Leedz largest crowd for 6 years!)
     

THE TOON 2 WARNOCKS WELSH WHINGERS 1 (CARDIFF!)

Posted 'high noon bells' Sunday 6th November 2016

ATSU (foot raised) SCORES THE FORST GOAL

It took barely 2 minutes to open the scorin' when Christian Atsu fired in @ The Leazes End az we pounded the Welshmens goal lokin' to icrease wor lead!
This came bang on half time when 'Goofy' Gouffran doubled wor advantage and aall looked good.

HOWEVER!---we didn't get oot of the blocks in the 2nd period az Warnocks Wanabeez looked to get back into the game.
This happened in the 77th minute when Whittinham scored after a blatant hand baall waz missed by the officials (see photo!) 

Cardiff then went for the equaliser in a game we shud have won at a canter and when Mitrovic tumbled in the box with one of their forwards it looked az though wor luck waz oot! ---BUT! the linesman on the far side ruled it waz Mitro who had been fouled and WE won the free kick!

After the game Cardiff manager Neil Warnock moaned and whinged that it shud have been a penalty--but totally missed that 'hand baall' which gave hiz side a way back into the game <(funny that like---isn't it!?)

"HAND BAALL!" BUT THE REF (AND WARNOCK!) DIDNT SEE IT

An EIGHTH win on the spin waz well desorved in the end though az we gan into yet anothaa international break next weekend!

Toon team: Darlow, Yedlin, Lascelles, Clark, Dummett, Atsu (Diame 89), Shelvey, Hayden, Gouffran (Anita 72), Perez ,Mitrovic

Attendance: 51, 257 (approx. 700 Cardiff fans)

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